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March 28, 2008
Frog Joke
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(folks, your gonna luv this)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to friend, Don.
Posted by Omie at 12:43 PM | Comments (0)
March 27, 2008
Nothing but the Truth
David Casstevens of the Dallas Morning News tells a story about Frank Szymanski, a Notre Dame center in the 1940s, who had been called as a witness in a civil suit at South Bend.
"Are you on the Notre Dame football team this year?"the judge asked.
"Yes, Your Honor."
"What position?"
"Center, Your Honor."
"How good a center?"
Szymanski squirmed in his seat, but said firmly: "Sir, I'm the best center Notre Dame has ever had."
Coach Frank Leahy, who was in the courtroom, was surprised. Szymanski always had been modest and unassuming.
So when the proceedings were over, he took Szymanski aside and asked why he had made such a statement.
Szymanski blushed. "I hated to do it, Coach," he said. "But, after all, I was under oath."
By David Casstevens from Condensed Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Patty Hansen
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RUMINATIONS
*I am the most anti-social person I know. But of course, I don't know anyone because I'm so anti-social." - Derek Neitzel
*Maybe tomorrow is actually the last day of the first part of my life. -
Michael McCuiston
*Graduation is a funny thing. It probably helps that I went to clown college, though. - Justin E. Kerner
*I bet that guy who learned everything he needed to know in kindergarten
feels pretty dumb paying his student loan every month." - Pat Perez
*I wonder if NASA thought the moon might be made of cheese before they sent up the Apollo 11 crew. Because if it was, it would have been really bad if the astronauts were lactose intolerant." - Paul Paternoster
*If you stacked all the US currency together, you could probably reach the moon, but I bet the Apollo program was still more economical."
- Larry Baum
*The first thing I do after opening a bar of Ivory soap is to scrape off the .0056 part that's impure. I mean, who wants to wash themselves with that stuff? - Paul Paternoster
*Scientists say there are over 3,000 spiders for every human being on
earth. Does anybody want mine? I certainly don't." - Chuck Bonner
*I read once that Shakespeare had a vocabulary of 17,000 words. That's
pretty impressive, but I bet he used some of them twice." - Jeff Alexander
KEEP SMILING:( at my age?)
A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Andy
Posted by Omie at 02:57 PM | Comments (0)
March 25, 2008
Kid's Science Exam
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers.......
Q: Name the four seasons
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, you'll love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the m ain parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' ......... I love it!!!
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Marie.
Posted by Omie at 11:45 PM | Comments (0)
Killer Biscuits
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
(the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and
with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of t he head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called t he paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise
that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her
head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but that could be irrelevant.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Marie
Posted by Omie at 01:59 PM | Comments (0)
March 24, 2008
Cell Phone verses the Bible
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bibles like we treat our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we traveled?
What if we used it in case of emergency
This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.
Makes you stop and think, "Where are my priorities?"
And no dropped calls!*****************************************************************
<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Carole
Posted by Omie at 04:34 PM | Comments (0)
March 22, 2008
Still HE Walked
For God loved you so much, that He walked!
He could hear the crowds screaming "crucify" "crucify"...
He could hear the hatred in their voices,
These were his chosen people.
He loved them,
And they were going to crucify him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened...
His heart was broken,
But still He walked.
He could see the crowd as he came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well.
He had created them.
He knew every smile, every laugh, and every shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger
His heart broke,
But still He walked.
Was he scared? You and I would have been
So his humanness would have mandated that he was.
He felt alone.
His disciples had left, denied, and even betrayed him.
He searched the crowd for a loving face and he saw very few.
Then he turned his eyes to the only one that mattered
And he knew that he would never be alone.
He loo ked back at the crowd...
At the people who were spitting at him
Throwing rocks at him and mocking him
And he knew that because of him,
They would never be alone.
So for them, He walked.
The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes echoed through the crowd.
The sounds of his cries echoed even louder,
The cheers of the crowd, as his hands and feet were nailed to the cross,
Intensified with each blow.
Loudest of all was the still small voice
Inside his Heart that whispered "I am with you, my son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let His son walk.
Jesus could have asked God to end his suffering,
But instead he asked God to forgive.
Not to forgive him, but to forgive the ones who were persecuting him.
As he hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable death,
He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be,
And his heart filled with love.
As his body was dying, his heart was alive.
Alive with the limitless, unconditional love he feels for each of us.
That is why He walked.
When I forget how much My God loves me,
...I remember his walk.
When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
...I remember his walk.
When I need to be reminded of how to live like Christ,
...I think of his walk.
And to show him how much I love him,
...I wake up each morning, turn my eyes to him,
.......And I walk.
Author Unknown
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ HAPPY EASTER, Folks! And a big Thanks to Marie.
Posted by Omie at 10:48 PM | Comments (0)
March 20, 2008
The Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde gal with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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Brain Transplant
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. 'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.'
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, 'Well, how much does a brain cost? '
The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.'
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more?'
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the
price of the female brains, because they've actually been used.'
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When Grandma Goes to Court
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Three jokes today, thanks to friends Debbie, Marie and big sister, Pat.
Posted by Omie at 01:25 PM | Comments (0)
March 19, 2008
Eagle Story
When Freedom came in she could not stand. Both wings were broken, her left wing in 4 places. She was emaciated and covered in lice. We made the decision to give her a chance at life, so I took her to the vet's office.
From then on, I was always around her. We had her in a huge dog carrier with the top off, and it was loaded up with shredded newspaper for her to lay in. I used to sit and talk to her, urging her to live, to fight; and she would lay there looking at me with those big brown eyes. We also had to tube feed her for weeks.
This went on for 4-6 weeks, and by then she still couldn't stand. It got to the point where the decision was made to euthanize her if she couldn't stand in a week.
You know you don't want to cross that line between torture and rehab, and it looked like death was winning. She was going to be put down that Friday, and I was supposed to come in on that Thursday afternoon. I didn't want to go to the center that Thursday, because I couldn't bear the thought of her being euthanized; but I went anyway, and when I walked in everyone was grinning from ear to ear. I went immediately back to her dowl cage; and there she was, standing on her own, a big beautiful eagle.
She was ready to live. I was just about in tears by then. That was a very good day.
We knew she could never fly, so the director asked me to glove train her. I got her used to the glove, and then to jesses, and we started doing education programs for schools in western Washington . We wound up in the newspapers, radio (believe it or not) and some TV. Miracle Pets even did a show about us.
In the spring of 2000, I was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma. I had stage 3, which is not good (one major organ plus everywhere), so I wound up doing 8 months of chemo. Lost the hair - the whole bit. I missed a lot of work.
When I felt good enough, I would go to Sarvey and take Freedom out for walks. Freedom would also come to me in my dreams and help me fight the cancer. This happened time and time again.
Fast forward to November 2000, the day after Thanksgiving, I went in for my last checkup. I was told that if the cancer was not all gone after 8 rounds of chemo, then my last option was a stem cell transplant. Anyway, they did the tests; and I had to come back Monday for the results. I went in Monday, and I was told that all the cancer was gone. Yahoo!
So the first thing I did was get up to Sarvey and take the big girl out for a walk.
It was misty and cold. I went to her flight and jessed her up, and we went out front to the top of the hill. I hadn't said a word to Freedom, but somehow she knew. She looked at me and wrapped both her wings around me to where I could feel them pressing in on my back (I was engulfed in eagle wings), and she touched my nose with her beak and stared into my eyes, and we just stood there like that for I don't know how long. That was a magic moment. We have been soul mates ever since she came in. This is a very special bird.
On a side note: I have had people who were sick come up to us when we are out, and Freedom has some kind of hold on them. I once had a guy who was terminal come up to us and I let him hold her. His knees just about buckled and he swore he could feel her power coarse through his body. I have so many stories like that.
I never forget the honor I have of being so close to such a magnificent spirit as Freedom's.
Freedom and I have been together 10 years this summer. She came in as a baby in 1998 with two broken wings. Her left wing doesn't open all the way even after surgery, it was broken in 4 places. She's my baby. Hope you enjoy this. Jeff
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to big sister, Pat.
Posted by Omie at 01:27 PM | Comments (1)
March 17, 2008
Our Lives with Horses...
Our lives with horses are rich with feeling.
If you've ever...
Choked back tears watching a new foal wobble to his feet for the first time...
Or watching your good horse wobble to his feet after surgery...
Or seen the ends of the reins float straight out as a reining horse spins beneath them...
Or chuckled to yourself as you watched a tiny tot on a patient pony trot through a barrel pattern at a saddle club play day...
Or felt the building tremble as an eight-up hitch of feather-legged giants pulled a hand-carved beer wagon into the arena...
Or had your heart stop when you saw your horse lying motionless in the pasture on a sunny day -- and waited breathlessly to see an ear flicker...
Or cheered at the screen when The Man From Snowy River slid Dunnie down the mountainside, or when Seabiscuit made his final surge to beat War Admiral...
Or cruised along the highway and seen a horse in the pasture and wondered what he's like to ride...or pictured him as a prospect...
Or sucked in your breath as a horse and rider approached a six-foot wall...
Or sworn a solemn oath to your horse that together you would triumph...
Or flipped through the TV channels and stopped when you saw a horse...even when it was a commercial.. .
Or laughed aloud when you rubbed your horse's face and he rubbed back...
Or gotten chills hearing Dave Johnson's "...and DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME!"
(Or "Run For The Roses" circa 1980ish?)
Or stood in awe at your horse in morning play as he sprinted around the pasture, then stopped, head erect, and snorted defiance at the rest of the world...
Or been thankful to see wild horses grazing casually at the foot of a hill...
Or felt calmed by the sleekness of a silky hair coat beneath your hand...
Or felt your jaw drop as you watched a Lipizzaner perform a capriole...
Or if you've ever seen someone in the grocery store wearing a certain kind of hat or boots or buckle, or have a certain cut and length to their jeans...and felt some remote kind of connection.. .
Or felt warmed by a soft-nicker greeting you as you entered the barn...many times.
If you've ever been moved by any of these feelings, you know you are a horse person.
Thank goodness we have our love of horses to help us on our journey.
One of Gods greatest gifts to us!!
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to horsey friend, Nancy, for the email story and also horsey friend, Catherine and her gelding Ric, for the picture.
Posted by Omie at 12:31 PM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2008
Lions Do Not Forget
This woman found this lion hurt and about to die. She took him home and took care of him. When the lion was better she called the local zoo. Sometime later when she visited the zoo, this was the reaction she got when the lion saw her. Lion Hugs
copy/paste here should the above link not work. http://www.telestereo.com/Archivos/video.html
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to friend, Kerri.
Posted by Omie at 02:33 PM | Comments (0)
Laos Deo
One detail that is never mentioned is that in Washington, D.C. there can never be a building of greater height than the Washington Monument.
With all the uproar about removing the Ten Commandments, etc., this is worth a moment or two of your time. I was not aware of this amazing historical information.
On the aluminum cap, atop the Washington Monument in Washington, D.C. are displayed two words: Laus Deo.
No one can see these words. In fact, most visitors to the monument are totally unaware they are even there and for that matter, probably couldn't care less.
Once you know Laus Deo's history, you will want to share this with everyone you know.
These words have been there for many years; they are 555 feet, 5.125 inches high, perched atop the monument, facing skyward to the Father of our nation, overlooking the 69 square miles which comprise the District of Columbia, capital of the United States of America.
Laus Deo? Two seemingly insignificant, unnoticed words. Out of sight and, one might think, out of mind, but very meaningfully placed at the highest point over what is the most powerful city in the most successful nation in the world.
So, what do those two words, in Latin, composed of just four syllables and only seven letters, possibly mean? Very simply, they say "Praise be to God."
Though construction of this giant obelisk began in 1848, when James Polk was President of the United States, it was not until 1888 that the monument was inaugurated and opened to the public. It took twenty-five years to finally cap the memorial with a tribute to the Father of our nation, Laus Deo. "Praise be to God!"
From atop this magnificent granite and marble structure, visitors may take in the beautiful panoramic view of the city with its division into four major segments. From that vantage point, one can also easily see the original plan of the designer, Pierre Charles l'Enfant ..a perfect cross imposed upon the landscape, with the White House to the north. The Jefferson Memorial is to the south, the Capitol to the east and the Lincoln Memorial to the west.
A cross you ask? Why a cross? What about separation of church and state? Yes, a cross; separation of church and state was not, is not, in the Constitution. So, read on. How interesting and, no doubt, intended to carry a profound meaning for those who bother to notice.
"Praise be to God." Within the monument itself are 898 steps and 50 landings. As one climbs the steps and pauses at the landings the memorial stones share a message.
On the 12th Landing is a prayer offered by the City of Baltimore; on the 20th is a memorial presented by some Chinese Christians; on the 24th a presentation made by Sunday School children from New York and Philadelphia quoting Proverbs 10:7, Luke 18:16 and Proverbs 22:6. "Praise be to God."
When the cornerstone of the Washington Monument was laid on July 4th, 1848, deposited within it were many items including the Holy Bible presented by the Bible Society. Such was the discipline, the moral direction, and the spiritual mood given by the founder and first President of our unique democracy, "One Nation, Under God."
I am awed by Washington's prayer for America. Have you ever read it? Well, now is your unique opportunity, so read on!
"Almighty God; We make our earnest prayer that Thou wilt keep the United States in Thy holy protection; that Thou wilt incline the hearts of the citizens to cultivate a spirit of subordination and obedience to government; and entertain a brotherly affection and love for one another and for their fellow citizens of the United States at large. And finally that Thou wilt most graciously be pleased to dispose us all to do justice, to love mercy, and to demean ourselves with that charity, humility, and pacific temper of mind which were the characteristics of the Divine Author of our blessed religion, and without a humble imitation of whose example in these things we can never hope to be a happy nation. Grant our supplication, we beseech Thee, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."
Laus Deo!
When one stops to observe the inscriptions found in public places all over our nation's capitol, he or she will easily find the signature of God, as it is unmistakably inscribed everywhere you look.
You may forget the width and height of "Laus Deo," its location, or the architects, but no one who reads this will be able to forget its meaning, or these words: "Unless the Lord builds the house its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, "the watchmen stand guard in vain." (Psalm 127: 1)
It is hoped you will share this with everyone you know as a lesson in history that they probably will never learn in school. *****************************************************************
<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to internet friends, Debbie and her hubby.
Posted by Omie at 02:23 PM | Comments (0)
March 12, 2008
Tax System
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes
to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go
something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the
arrangement until one day the owner threw them a curved ball (or is that a
curved beer!). "Because you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going
to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20."
Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first
four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the
other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall
so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that
from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by
roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four Continued to
drink for free. But once outside the restaurant the men began to compare their
savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the
tenth man, "but he got $10!"
Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar too. It's
unfair that he got ten times more than I!"
"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at
all. The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth man and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him.
But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.
They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our Tax
System works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
David R Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia
For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Catherine.
Posted by Omie at 04:12 PM | Comments (0)
Clever Dutch Shopping Site
Visit this unusual department store and have fun!!
HEMA is a Dutch department store. The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam.
Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands. HEMA also has stores in Belgium, Luxembourg, and Germany. In June of this year, HEMA was sold to British investment company, Lion Capital.
Take a look at Hema's product page. You can't order anything; it's in Dutch, but wait a few seconds and watch what happens. This company has a great sense of humor and a great computer programmer.
Click here: Fun Dutch Department Store
Copy/paste this link, should the above link not work.
http://producten.hema.nl/
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to good neighbor, Ed.
Posted by Omie at 03:38 PM | Comments (0)
March 11, 2008
Photographer
His request approved, the photographer used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . you're NOT my flight instructor?'
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Marie
Posted by Omie at 01:38 PM | Comments (0)
March 10, 2008
Ageless Wit & Observations
Quotes/Jokes to make you cry!
If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself. Mark Twain
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. G. Gordon Liddy
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Ronald Reagan (1986)
I don't make jokes I just watch the government and report the facts. Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! P.J. O'Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. Voltaire (1764)
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! Pericles (430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. Mark Twain (1866 )
Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. Unknown
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. Ronald Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. Winston Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. Mark Twain
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is t o fill the world with fools. Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress. Mark Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. Thomas Jefferson
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Marie
Posted by Omie at 02:15 PM | Comments (0)
March 09, 2008
The Trip Home
A pastor had been on a long flight between church conferences. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: Fasten Your Seat Belts.
Then, after a while, a calm voice said, "We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened."
As the pastor looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive.
Later, the voice on the intercom said, "We are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us."
And then the storm broke . . .
The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightning lit up the darkening skies, and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as it were about to crash.
The pastor confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him.
He said, "As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying. The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm."
"Then, I suddenly saw a little girl. Apparently the storm meant nothing to her. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat; she was reading a book and every- thing within her small world was calm and orderly.
"Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world.
When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvelous child was completely composed and unafraid." The minister could hardly believe his eyes.
It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, our pastor lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.
Having commented about the storm and the behavior of the plane, he asked why she had not been afraid.
The child replied, "Cause my Daddy's the pilot, and he's taking me home."
There are many kinds of storms that buffet us. Physical, mental, financial, domestic, and many other storms can easily and quickly darken our skies and throw our plane into apparently uncontrollable movement. We have all known such times, and let us be honest and confess, it is much easier to be at rest when our feet are on the ground than when we are being tossed about a darkened sky.
Let us remember: Our Father is the Pilot. He is in control and taking us home. Don't worry!
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Marie
Posted by Omie at 09:27 PM | Comments (2)
March 06, 2008
Ladies Softball
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.
One day Barb said, "Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.
"Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, "Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.
Shortly after that, Rose passed on. At midnight a few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, "Barb, Barb." "Who is it?" asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Barb -- it's me, Rose."
"You're not Rose. Rose just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Rose," insisted the voice.
"Rose! Where are you?" "In Heaven," replied Rose.
"I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," said Barb.
"The good news," Rose said, "is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," said Barb. "It's beyond my wildest dreams!
So what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to big sister.
Posted by Omie at 12:20 PM | Comments (1)
The Cab Ride
Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.
When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away.
But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.
So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute," answered a frail, elderly voice.
I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like
somebody out of a 1940s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters.
In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness.
"It's nothing ", I told her. "I just try to treat my passenger s the way I would want my mother treated".
"Oh, you're such a good boy", she said.
When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"
"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.
"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice".
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.
"I do n't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."
I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you like me to take?" I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a
girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit sta ring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now."
We drove in silence to the address she had given me.
It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up.
They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.
The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.
"Nothing," I said.
"You have to make a living," she answered.
"There are other passengers," I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said.
"Thank you."
I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light.
Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.
What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?
What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 'YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT ~ THEY WIL L ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM F EEL.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
Every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ This may be a repeat, but it still brings tears to my eyes. Thanks to Marie.
Posted by Omie at 12:16 PM | Comments (0)
March 05, 2008
Blondes at Work
Two blonde girls were working for the City Public Works Department.
One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An on looker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
So he said to the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Marie.
Posted by Omie at 04:35 PM | Comments (0)
If My Nose Was Running...
Here is a funny to share with your "sweetie." If My Nose Was Running
copy/paste here - http://myeeosprofile.com/video-egCeIwjIuZM if the above link doesn't work.
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GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Ed.
Posted by Omie at 04:27 PM | Comments (0)