Chatta Mom

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August 31, 2007

Humming Birds Feeding

This is something I have never seen before, or ever even heard of. This lady lives in a Hummingbird fly zone. As they migrated, about 20 of them were in her yard. Just for a lark, she took the little red dish and filled it with sugar water and this is the result.


The Woman is Abagail Alfano of Pine, Louisiana.

They had gotten used to her standing by the feeder and came over to her hand. She says in touching them, they are as light as a feather. She stated that if she had known her husband was going to take pictures, she would have put on makeup.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks Carole

Posted by Omie at 02:33 PM

A Chaplain in Iraq

I don't know if this is true or not, but I chose to believe it happened.
*************
I recently attended a showing of "Superman 3," here at LSA Anaconda. We have a large auditorium we use for movies, as well as memorial services and
other large gatherings. As is the custom back in the States, we stood and snapped to attention when the National Anthem began before the main feature.

All was going as planned until about three-quarters of the way through the National Anthem the music stopped.

Now, what would happen if this occurred with 1,000 18-22 year-olds back in the States? I imagine there would be hoots, catcalls, laughter, a few rude comments; and everyone would sit down and call for a movie. Of course, that is, if they had stood for the National Anthem in the first place.

Here, the 1,000 Soldiers continued to stand at attention, eyes fixed forward.

The music started again.

The Soldiers continued to quietly stand at attention. And again, at the same point, the music stopped. What would you expect to happen? Even here I would imagine laughter, as everyone finally sat down and expected the movie to start.

But here, you could have heard a pin drop. Every Soldier continued to stand at attention. Suddenly there was a lone voice, then a dozen, and quickly the room was filled with the voices of a thousand Soldiers, finishing where the recording left off:

"And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof through
the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave, O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?"

It was the most inspiring moment I have had here in Iraq. I wanted you to know what kind of Soldiers are serving you here.

Written by Chaplain Jim Higgins on 5/14/07.
LSA Anaconda is at the Balad Airport in Iraq, north of Bagdad.

Remember them as they fight for you! Pass this along as a reminder to others to be ever in prayer for all our soldiers serving us here at home and abroad... For many have already paid the ultimate price....
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Marie

Posted by Omie at 02:14 PM

August 30, 2007

16 Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years to Learn

by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) This is sooooo true.

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Catherine

Posted by Omie at 01:03 PM

Daddy's Chair

A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows.

An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit.

"I guess you were expecting me, he said.

"No, who are you?" said the father.

The minister told him his name and then remarked, "I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew I was going to show up,"

"Oh yeah, the chair," said the bedridden man. "Would you mind closing the door?"

Puzzled, the minister shut the door.

"I have never told anyone this, not even my daughter," said the man. "But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head."

"I abandoned any attempt at prayer," the old man continued, "until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me, "Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here is what I suggest. "Sit down in a chair; place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair.

"It's not spooky because he promised, 'I will be with you always' "Then just speak to him in the same way you're doing with me right now."

"So, I tried it and I've liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I'm careful though, if my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm."

The minister was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey.

Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the church.

Two nights later the daughter called to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon.

"Did he die in peace?" he asked.

"Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange about his death. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside the bed. What do you make of that?"

The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said, "I wish we could all go like that."

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.

I asked God for water, He gave me an ocean.

I asked God for a flower, He gave me a garden.

I asked God for a friend, He gave me all of YOU...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 10:28 AM

August 29, 2007

The Best Kind of Friend

The best kind of friend
Is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with,
Never say a word, and then walk away
Feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it,
But it's also true that we don't know
What we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love
Is never an assurance that they'll love you back!
Don't expect love in return;
Just wait for it to grow in their heart
But if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone,
An hour to like someone,
And a day to love someone,
But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile
Because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.

May you have
Enough happiness to make you sweet,
Enough trials to make you strong,
Enough sorrow to keep you human,
Enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes.
If you feel that it hurts you,
It probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people
Don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry,
Those who hurt, those who have searched,
And those who have tried,
For only they can appreciate the importance of people
Who have touched their lives.

When you were born, you were crying
And everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die,
You're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Show this message
To those people who mean something to you,
To those who have touched your life in one way or another,
To those who make you smile when you really need it,
To those that make you see the brighter side of things
When you are really down.

And to those who you want to let them know
That you appreciate their friendship.
And if you don't, don't worry,
Nothing bad will happen to you,
You will just miss out on the opportunity
To brighten someone's day with this message.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thank goodness, "best kind of friend," Gladys is back from vacation!

Posted by Omie at 02:10 PM

August 28, 2007

The Gift of Old Age

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 03:13 PM

Pre-School Test

It's just one question, so take your time and think about it.

Pre-school children were asked the following question:

"In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling?"

Look carefully at the picture.

Do you know the answer?

(The only possible answers are "left" or "right.")

Think about it

Still don't know? Okay, I'll tell you.

The pre-schoolers all answered "left."

When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling in the left direction?"

They answered:

"Because you can't see the door."

How do you feel now ???

I know, me too.
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<3 GrandMom Love - graphic of man banging his head against the post not working unless you click on it. >sigh< Thanks to Marie.

Posted by Omie at 01:54 PM

Bubba at the Revival

Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba gets in line.

When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"

Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top of his
head and prays a while.

After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"

Bubba says, "I don't know Preacher, it's not until next Wednesday..."
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks Carole

Posted by Omie at 01:50 PM

August 27, 2007

Choosing A Wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000. and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs

Men are like that, you know.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~.....have no idea who sent this, and debated whether to post it, but it was just sooooo TRUE, it made me laugh. Hopefully, it will make y'all laugh also.

Posted by Omie at 04:13 PM

August 26, 2007

Take A Good Look at This Picture

Look at the first picture above. You can see where the man drove through the guard rail (where the people are standing on the road).

His truck traveled from there and flipped end-over-end crossing the drainage outlet and landing on the left side of it.

Now look at the picture below ...

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<3 GrandMom Love - WOW! Thanks to neighbor Ed.

Posted by Omie at 12:39 PM

August 25, 2007

A Navajo Message To The Moon

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously.

But he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly, but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

An official government translator was summoned.

After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:

"WATCH OUT FOR THESE WHITE MEN. THEY HAVE COME TO STEAL YOUR LAND."
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<3 GrandMom Love - From Catherine

Posted by Omie at 08:55 PM

Living Will

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room seriously discussing a Living Will.

I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So she got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.
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This may be a repeat. Thanks to Catherine.

Posted by Omie at 08:53 PM

August 24, 2007

Things You May Not Know About Me

Okay, Folks, my friend, Catherine, sent this to me and I usually will let these go by the wayside and break them every time, but tonight I asked myself.....why not? So, here goes ....nothin.' heh heh

Things you may not have known about me....
1) Four places I have worked:
1. for my DDS dad - when I was a teenager
2. Tupperware lady
3. for a couple of ambulance chasing lawyers
4. a christian counseling center - which was the BEST, ...emotionally safe and healthiest place I have ever worked!

2) Four places I have lived:
1. Cleveland, TN. (also will add Sewanee, TN to this list)
2. Signal Mtn, TN.
3. Chickamauga, GA
4. Chattanooga, TN

3) Four TV shows/games I love to watch:
1. I tape "Literary Visions" off of GA Public TV every morning.
2. Paula Deen cooking on Food Network
3. any of those "flipping houses" programs
4. Joyce Meyer, who cracks me up - also Beth Moore

4) Four places I have been on vacation
1. Jerusalem Israel
2. Pebble Beach/Carmel, CA.
3. Parksville Lake/ Ocoee River, TN - this is my favorite
4. Key West, FL

5) Four of my favorite foods
1. sweet/sour pickled watermelon or Homemade Christmas pickles
2. French Silk Chocalate Pie - homemade, using my recipe
3. Grilled Salmon with a nice glass of white wine
4. Armando's cheese burger - YES, very juicy!

6) Four Places I'd rather be
1. Anywhere riding horses - - trail riding through the woods and singing at the top of my lungs.

2. on a houseboat hidden in a secluded lake slough -- nothing more relaxing to me than being on the water.
3. playing with my two grandkids
4. in a deeply intense conversation connecting (heart to heart) with a group of like minded friends or EVEN BETTER with a guy who is not giving you "his life story, but who can aptly toss the conversational ball back to you. hmmm? where is that guy?

7) Four friends I think will respond:
1. Debbie H. (internet friend)
2. Gladys
3. Diana
4. Marie
adding 5. Carole and 6. internet friend, Connie.

Now here's what you are supposed to do. Do not spoil the fun. Hit forward or copy and paste, then delete my answers and type in your own. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you. Great wisdom through painful experience is an inside job.
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<3 GrandMom Love - previously emailed back to Catherine

Posted by Omie at 11:39 PM

So You Think You Know Everything?

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt." (Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say. a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)
;
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is) (How do they KNOW that?)

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. (And it wasn't an issue needing politicians to resolve it.)

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Congratulations! NOW...You Know Everything!
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to whomever sent this to me..... Marie, was that you?

Posted by Omie at 03:52 PM

How Dry Is It?

It's so dry in Alabama that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,

the Methodists are giving out wet wipes,

the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks,

and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 12:11 PM

Five Nuns in Town

Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight -seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door and this is what they saw.

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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Too cute! Another treat from the "ex."

Posted by Omie at 12:23 AM

August 23, 2007

Time Expired

I got this from a woman online. A friend of hers who died had a great sense of humor and always used to say that when she died she wanted a parking meter on her grave that says "Expired". So her nephew got her one on ebay!

Her grave is right by the road so everyone can see it and many people have stopped to get a chuckle.

There are two pictures here so scroll down.


Lord, Give us a sense of humor.
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to the "ex."

Posted by Omie at 11:59 PM

The Price of Children

This is just too good! Something absolutely positive for a change. I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. Nice.

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month, or
* $171.08 a week.
* That's a mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich."

Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs, and
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watching Saturday morning cartoons,
* going to Disney movies, and
* wishing on stars.
* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream or pizza regardless.

You get a front row seat to history, to witness the:
* first step,
* first word,
* first bra,
* first date, and
* first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits. So, one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

That is quite a deal for the price!

Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren!
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to internet friend, Debbie.

Posted by Omie at 10:51 AM

August 21, 2007

Reason to Be Proud

American Capitalism and other stuff Reason to be Proud!

A Japanese company (Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.

Sadly, The End.

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last 30 years moving its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages. TOYOTA has spent the last 30 years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter's results: TOYOTA makes $4 billion in profits while Ford racked up $9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads.

TOYOTA makes most of their parts in the US. General Motors makes most of their parts in Mexico. American made?

IF THIS WERE NOT TRUE, IT MIGHT BE FUNNY...
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Omie, who drives a 2000 Toyota Camry which will turn over 40,000 miles sometime this week. Thanks to Catherine for sending out this email.

Posted by Omie at 09:37 PM

Italian Pasta Diet

IT REALLY WORKS !!

1.. You walka pasta da bakery.

2.. You walka pasta da candy store.

3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!

And...

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to neighbor, Ed.

Posted by Omie at 01:34 PM

Bungee Jump

Alice and Frank were Bungee jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping business in Mexico."

Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc..

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the town's square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration, so Alice jumps.

She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding.

Again, Frank misses her.

Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd!....What the heck is a piñata?"
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Catherine

Posted by Omie at 01:30 PM

August 20, 2007

Blond Shopping

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small. What room are they for?"

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room. They are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But ma'am, computers do not need curtains!"

The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo .... I've got Windoooooows!"
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ From Marie again.

Posted by Omie at 11:34 AM

Abby, At A Loss to Answer

LETTERS DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER:

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and
Violence On my VCR?

Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober. (I love this one!!)

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ From Marie

Posted by Omie at 11:30 AM

August 19, 2007

Ecclesiastes 3

To everything there is a season....Click here: Ecclesiastes 3 HE has made everything beautiful in its time.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to friend Anne, who almost never emails me, but when she does, she sends REALLY GOOD STUFF. Enjoy!

Posted by Omie at 09:09 PM

August 18, 2007

Vick's Jury

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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to horsey friend, Catherine. ....another non-reader of this blog.

Posted by Omie at 04:38 PM

A BIG Baby

You have to see this clip to believe it..... a pet hippo?? What's next? Pet Hippo

Here is the link to copy and paste if the above link does not work. ALSO, the sound on this clip is not the best, either that or my hearing is not what it use to be. hmm? nay....surely not...
http://glumbert.Com/wii/view.php?name=pethippo
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to friend Marie.

Posted by Omie at 11:30 AM

Too Busy for a Friend?

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered.

"I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around.

Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary"

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists"

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Speak a kind word into someone's life. Do not miss a wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful. Someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

May Your Day Be Blessed and As Special As You Are!
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Don.

Posted by Omie at 11:13 AM

August 17, 2007

Farmer Wisdom

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks, bankers, and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Marie

Posted by Omie at 12:11 PM

August 16, 2007

Life ism

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<3 GrandMom Love ~ I have no idea who sent this one. Good, isn't it?

Posted by Omie at 10:31 PM

Speeding Ticket

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived a limousine was there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

"You know" he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?"

The driver said, "No problem. Have at it."

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.

The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.

The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.

He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, I know we are supposed to enforce the law... But I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what
I should do because I have stopped a very important person."

The supervisor asked, "Is it the governor?"

The young trooper said, "No, he's more important than that."

The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the president."

The young trooper said, "No, he's even more important than that."

The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?"

The young trooper said, "I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 10:22 PM

August 15, 2007

Mathmatically Speaking

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life?

Here is a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 1 9 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

AND, look how far the love of God will take you

L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to a friend of more than 30 years, Diana.

Posted by Omie at 09:07 PM

T-Shirt Sayings

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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 09:03 PM

August 14, 2007

TENJOOBERRYMUDS

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND TENJOOBERRYMUDS..

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in with the growing trend!!!

Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

G: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: ".....What??"

RS: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry... scrambled, please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I... don't think so"

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?!?"

G: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on
sigh and copy.. rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjooberrymuds."

G: "You're welcome."
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<3 GrandMom "Omie" who is laughing hard at this one. Thanks to friend Gladys.

Posted by Omie at 09:17 PM

Burma Shave

A Kiss, A Miss,
A car, A curve.
He kissed the miss
and missed the curve!

Remember how great these were? For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930s and '40's. Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old two lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmer's fields.

They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet ... and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

Here are more of the actual signs:

DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
Burma Shave

TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave

SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave

THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave

AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave

Do these bring back any old memories? If not, you're merely a child. If they do -- then you're old as dirt. LIKE ME!
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Carole. AND, yes, I remember these signs back in the 50's and 60's driving (or rather my Mom driving) on Hwy 41 south going to Atlanta, or heading north toward Nashville. Anybody else out there remember buying pralines and turtles at the old Stuckey's stores? Ah, fond memories! ~ Omie ~

Posted by Omie at 09:05 PM

August 13, 2007

Tough Old Cowboy

A tough old cowboy counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103.

When the grandson died, he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great great grandchildren and a 15 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to the "ex."

Posted by Omie at 09:50 PM

Newborn Foal

This one is on the Ohhh...Ahhhh List. How cute is this.

I just thought I would share the story and pics. In April we had a mare foal 5 and a half weeks premature with set of twins.

One was still-born but the other was alive and really tiny. The vet suspects he was about 20lbs. when he was born.

We were so worried because everyone told us not to get attached that he more than likely wouldn't make it. For almost a month straight we were down there (barn) every few hours to help him nurse. It wouldn't have been quite that long except we had a cold spell and we almost lost him to hypothermia.

At 3 weeks he had his first visit to the vet clinic. (the vet had always just come
out to the farm) Check the pics to see how we got there!! (Don't wanna spoil it) He weighed in at 37 lbs. after 3 weeks! Through all that he made it and while he is still small this little bugger has one heck of a heart! Oh, and he's a palomino appaloosa.

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<3 GrandMom Love - Folks, this is not my story. Wish it were. Thanks to Catherine, one of my "horsey" friends.

Posted by Omie at 02:51 PM

August 12, 2007

More Maxine

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately.

Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida .

Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems.

The result is a win-win-win situation:

+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.

+ Use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans .

+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Ed.

Posted by Omie at 01:26 PM

August 11, 2007

Amazing Woman

This is a rather long video, but well worth your attention.

AND, the next time I start whining or complaining, just "cluck" or "tsk tsk," me to remind me that I have NOTHING in this world to complain about. We are ALL very BLESSED!
Amazing Woman
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 12:40 PM

Blond Joke

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, ..And where do you think you're going?!

She said, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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<2 GrandMom Love - Thanks to the "ex."....Who just yesterday discovered this blog.

Posted by Omie at 12:31 PM

August 10, 2007

One Lawyer You Have to Love

As most of you receiving this know, New Orleans residents are challenged often with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, making it quite difficult to establish ownership.

Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client that I thought was absolutely priceless!! This is one lawyer you gotta love!!...... It's too good not to share!

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted, if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:

(Actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803.

Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
_______________________________________________

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application.

I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella.

The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus expedition.

Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana.

God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA.

I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?"

The loan was approved.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks again to Marie.

Posted by Omie at 12:45 PM

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Graying hair adds attraction.
Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading this.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Marie, who sends me the best stuff.

Posted by Omie at 12:01 PM

August 09, 2007

Who Is Behind This?

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! We Must Stop This Immediately !

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection . . . Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were. And I am here to tell you I hate it. . .
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 04:44 PM

August 08, 2007

Our National Anthem

Unless you know all four stanzas of the Star Spangled Banner you may find this most interesting. Perhaps most of you didn't realize what Francis Scott Key's profession was or what he was doing on a ship. This is a good brush-up on your history.

(Editor's Note- (Not Omie's note) Near the end of his life, the great science fiction author, Isaac Asimov wrote a short story about the four stanzas of our national anthem. However brief, this well-circulated piece is an eye opener from the dearly departed doctor......) "I have a weakness -- I am crazy, absolutely nuts, about our national anthem. The words are difficult and the tune is almost impossible, but frequently when I'm taking a shower I sing it with as much power and emotion as I can. It shakes me up every time."

NO REFUGE COULD SAVE

BY DR. ISAAC ASIMOV

I was once asked to speak at a luncheon. Taking my life in my hands, I announced I was going to sing our national anthem -- all four stanzas. This was greeted with loud groans. One man closed the door to the kitchen, where the noise of dishes and cutlery was loud and distracting. "Thanks, Herb," I said.

"That's all right," he said. "It was at the request of the kitchen staff"

I explained the background of the anthem and then sang all four stanzas. Let me tell you, those people had never heard it before -- or had never really listened. I got a standing ovation. But it was not me; it was the anthem.

More recently, while conducting a seminar, I told my students the story of the anthem and sang all four stanzas. Again there was a wild ovation and prolonged applause. And again, it was the anthem and not me.

So now let me tell you how it came to be written.

In 1812, the United States went to war with Great Britain, primarily over freedom of the seas. We were in the right For two years, we held off the British, even though we were still a rather weak country. Great Britain was in a life and death struggle with Napoleon. In fact, just as the United States declared war, Napoleon marched off to invade Russia. If he won, as everyone expected, he would control Europe, and Great Britain would be isolated. It was no time for her to be involved in an American war.

At first, our seamen proved better than the British. After we won a battle on Lake Erie in 1813, the American commander, Oliver Hazard Perry, sent the message, "We have met the enemy and they are ours." However, the weight of the British navy beat down our ships eventually. New England, hard-hit by a tightening blockade, threatened secession.

Meanwhile, Napoleon was beaten in Russia and in 1814 was forced to abdicate. Great Britain now turned its attention to the United States, launching a three-pronged attack.

The northern prong was to come down Lake Champlain toward New York and seize parts of New England.

The southern prong was to go up the Mississippi, take New Orleans and paralyze the west.

The central prong was to head for the mid-Atlantic states and then attack Baltimore, the greatest port south of New York. If Baltimore was taken, the nation, which still hugged the Atlantic coast, could be split in two. The fate of the United States, then, rested to a large extent on the success or failure of the central prong.

The British reached the American coast, and on August 24, 1814, took Washington, D.C. Then they moved up the Chesapeake Bay toward Baltimore On September 12, they arrived and found 1,000 men in Fort McHenry, whose guns controlled the harbor. If the British wished to take Baltimore, they would have to take the fort.

On one of the British ships was an aged physician, William Beanes, who had been arrested in Maryland and brought along as a prisoner. Francis Scott Key, a lawyer and friend of the physician, had come to the ship to negotiate his release.

The British captain was willing, but the two Americans would have to wait. It was now the night of September 13, and the bombardment of Fort McHenry was about to start.

As twilight deepened, Key and Beanes saw the American flag flying over Fort McHenry. Through the night, they heard bombs bursting and saw the red glare of rockets. They knew the fort was resisting and the American flag was still flying. But toward morning the bombardment ceased, and a dread silence fell. Either Fort McHenry had surrendered and the British flag flew above it, or the bombardment had failed and the American flag still flew.

As dawn began to brighten the eastern sky, Key and Beanes stared out at the fort, trying to see which flag flew over it. He and the physician must have asked each other over and over, "Can you see the flag?"

After it was all finished, Key wrote a four stanza poem telling the events of the night. Called "The Defense of Fort McHenry," it was published in newspapers and swept the nation. Someone noted that the words fit an old English tune called, "To Anacreon in Heaven" -- a difficult melody with an uncomfortably large vocal range. For obvious reasons, Key's work became known as "The Star Spangled Banner," and in 1931 Congress declared it the official anthem of the United States.

Now that you know the story, here are the words. Presumably, the old doctor is speaking. This is what he asks Key:

Oh! say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
Oh! say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

("Ramparts," in case you don't know, are the protective walls or other elevations that surround a fort.) The first stanza asks a question. The second gives an answer:

On the shore, dimly seen thro' the mist of the deep
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep.
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream
'Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh! long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

"The towering steep" is again, the ramparts. The bombardment has failed, and the British can do nothing more but sail away, their mission a failure. In the third stanza I feel Key allows himself to gloat over the American triumph. In the aftermath of the bombardment, Key probably was in no mood to act otherwise? During World War I when the British were our Staunchest allies, this third stanza was not sung. However, I know it, so here it is:

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

(The fourth stanza, a pious hope for the future, should be sung more slowly than the other three and with even deeper feeling):

Oh! thus be it ever, w hen freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation,
Blest with victory and peace, may the Heaven - rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just,
And this be our motto --"In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

I hope you will look at the national anthem with new eyes. Listen to it, the next time you have a chance, with new ears. Pay attention to the words. And don't let them ever take it away ... not even one word of it.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to "horsey" friend, Catherine.

Posted by Omie at 11:12 PM

August 07, 2007

What Do Women Really Want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals.

So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story? The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to big sister.

Posted by Omie at 08:43 PM

August 06, 2007

You Guys Are Gonna Love This

Be sure to read this info first, then watch the clip.

And you thought those people that set up roomfuls of dominos to knock over were amazing. There are no computer graphics or digital tricks in the film. Everything you see really happened in real time exactly as you see it.

The film took 606 takes. On the first 605 takes, something, usually very minor, didn't work. They would then have to set the whole thing up again. The crew spent weeks shooting night and day. By the time it was over, they were ready to change professions.

The film cost six million dollars and took three months to complete including full engineering of the sequence. In addition, it's two minutes long so every time Honda airs the film on British television, they're shelling out enough dough to keep any one of us in clover for a lifetime.

However, it is fast becoming the most downloaded advertisement in Internet history. Honda executives figure the ad will soon pay for itself simply in "free viewing's" (Honda isn't paying a dime to have you watch this commercial!).

When the ad was pitched to senior executives, they signed off on it immediately without any hesitation - including the costs.

There are six and only six hand-made Honda Accords in the world. To the horror of Honda engineers, the filmmakers disassembled two of them to make the film. Everything you see in the film (aside from the walls, floor, ramp, and complete Honda Accord) is parts from those two cars. The voiceover is Garrison Keillor.

When the ad was shown to Honda executives, they liked it and commented on how amazing computer graphics have gotten. They fell off their chairs when they found out it was for real. Oh, and about those funky windshield wipers. On the new Accords, the windshield wipers have water sensors and are designed to start doing their thing automatically as soon as they become wet.

Click on the link or copy/paste in your browser to bring up the film: Click here: Honda Accord Ad If this link doesn't work, try this... http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/honda.php ******************************************************************
<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Marie and her hubby.

Posted by Omie at 11:29 PM

Sister Mary

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 11:16 PM

August 04, 2007

Joke Medley

An older couple is lying in bed one morning.

They had just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asked. She answered, "Because I'm dead.

"The husband asked..."What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!"

She said, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insisted, "You are not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

Remember...Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.
***********
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put some in the food.

...If it weren't for STRESS, I'd have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan...Will Not Be Evenly Distributed.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.

I always know...God won't give me more than I can handle, there are times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

Dogs Have Owners ~
Cats Have Staff

If the shoe fits.. buy a pair in every color.

Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.

Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Bills travel through the mail...at twice the speed of checks.

If you look like your passport picture...you probably need the trip.

Some days are a total waste of makeup.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me... you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!

Have A Wonderful Day!

***************** Thanks to Carole
A man visiting a cemetery heard a second man who was kneeling at a nearby grave crying-out loudly, "Why did you have to die?!!? Why did you have to die?!!?".

The first man was so moved by the other man's obvious pain, that he walked over and lightly placed a comforting hand on the distraught man's shoulder and asked him, "Is this your wife?".

"No", replied the weeping man, "Her first husband!"
*************Thanks to my "ex."
*******
ONLY AN ITALIAN MAN CAN MAKE A WOMAN FEEL LIKE A WOMAN...

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth
to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a
WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane.

He is gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt..., one button at a time.

.......No one moves.
.......He removes his shirt.
.......Muscles ripple across his chest.
.......She gasps...
.......and He says......

"Iron this, and get me something to eat...."
************This may be a repeat. Thanks to Catherine

*************
New Seat Belt Law becomes effective July 15, 2007

The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on ! a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below....... THIS MAY SAVE A LIFE!
This is very Important, please pass on to friends and family.

I KNOW....YOU SMILED

Thanks to Carole
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<3 GrandMom Love - Omie.....Who is very grateful to the two or three people who actually read this blog. Have a great weekend, folks! You are appreciated!

Posted by Omie at 01:01 PM

August 03, 2007

Senior Breakfast Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're
ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.

"YES!!" stated the waitress.

"I'll take the special then." my wife said.

"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! We've been around the block more than once.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Sis, who still never reads this blog.

Posted by Omie at 12:02 PM

The Purina Diet

Yesterday, while shopping at K-Mart, I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena, the wonder dog, and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's behind and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

K-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to Marie's sister in south Alabama.

Posted by Omie at 11:20 AM

August 02, 2007

Parents Needed - Job Description

POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mami, Ma - Dad, Daddy, Papi, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required, unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do...or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Carole

Posted by Omie at 03:24 PM

The Bathing Suit

When I was a child in the 1960s the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered.

They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice-she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.

The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material.

The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took awhile to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib..

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump.

I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me.

I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.

I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg,

I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse-type top.

It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it.

My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got home, I found a label which read --

"Material might become transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too ... I'll be the one in cut off jeans and a t-shirt!
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<3 GrandMom Love - Thanks to Marie

Posted by Omie at 03:13 PM

August 01, 2007

Useless Info About Me

Connie over at BrainFoggles tagged me for a “little meme” which NO ONE HAS EVER DONE BEFORE. So, I am honored by my internet and DOUA friend to give the world a view of useless information and/or what my kids call….."TMI"….too much information. Eat this up, Chatta Mom fans, (all three or four of you) ‘cause, as you know, this is something I rarely do….get personal. Or if I do, I leave it up for a couple of days and then tear it down. SO…..look fast. Heh heh.

The Rules:
“Each person links to the person who tagged them. Then each person posts the rules before their list, then they list 8 things about themselves. At the end of the post, that person tags and links to 8 other people and then visits those peoples’ sites and comments letting them know that they have been tagged, and to come read the post, so they know what they have to do.”

1) When I was 14 or 15 years old, I was under the gun. A crazy squatter hermit, off a back country road, (where I was riding horses with a guy friend), pointed his shotgun dead aim at us. Scary. Needless to say, we rode off into the sunset in a hurry. Of course, this is one of those stories I never shared with my folks.

2) I have only one or two prejudices: 1. folks who drive slow in the left hand passing lane, are usually mindlessly snuggled up to a car in the right lane and in their blind spot, and nobody can pass them. EKKKK! Drives me crazy! and 2. the paparazzi. Don't make me get on my soapbox, folks. Just thought of a third. I avoid whiney, fussy, nervous, high-strung folks like the plague. Sheesh!

3) I absolutely hate shopping….clothes, groceries, etc. but you cannot get me out of a book store.

4) I have a bad habit of correcting peoples' language on the TV. A lot of good that does. NOT, “I wish I WAS……!!!! IT IS, “I wish I WERE,” drives me batty. My sister does this also. This is an inherited trait from our mother.

5) Events, programs, suppers, parties I can organize in a snap, but absolutely cannot guide, lead, or direct people. Not my forte.

6) When my two grandsons are able to sit up on their own, I plan to get them on a horse to get their picture made.

7) There are at least two guardian angels (maybe more) who take very good care of me. I have to apologize to them regularly for the scrapes I lead them through.

8) I have traveled as far North as International Falls, MN, as far South as Key West FL., as far East as Sea Island, GA., and as far West as San Francisco, CA. At 16, my older sister and I went to explore the beaches and bars of Baja, CA. I have also been to Israel once, but have a friend who has been to Israel over 35 times. Whew!
*******
Okay Connie. Hope this works for ya, friend. Unfortunately, I don't know eight other bloggers that well, or the one or two that I do know have already done this two or three times. Sorry....
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<3 GrandMom Love

Posted by Omie at 04:24 PM