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April 30, 2007
Dilbert's Rules of Order
Nota Bene ~ Good Note from Omie - Forgive, if this is a repeat. I am getting down to the bottom of the bag, (no good emails from friends) so I found this in my files. It was either this or my recipe for Strawberry Cake. Humm? Maybe that recipe tomorrow. :)
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I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste
good with ketchup.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 06:23 PM
April 27, 2007
Woman's Day
Today is International Very Good Looking, Darn Smart Woman's Day, so please send this message to someone you think fits this description.
And remember this motto to live by:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, what a ride!"
Have a wonderful day !
To the Girls !!
Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the heck happened. - Cora Harvey Armstrong-
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the gal up with cookies. (Unknown)
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)-
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
- Janette Barber-
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being --hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. - Erma Bombeck –
Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis-
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen –
If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine-
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. - Roseanne Barr-
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson-
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 11:14 AM
April 25, 2007
Cookies
A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport.
As she would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to spend her
time. She also bought a packet of cookies.
She sat down in an armchair, in the VIP room of the airport, to rest and read in peace.
Beside the armchair where the packet of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading.
When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but said nothing. She just thought: "What a nerve! If I were in the mood I would punch him for daring."
For each cookie she took, the man took one also. This was infuriating her but she didn't want to cause a scene.
When only one cookie remained, she thought: "ah...What will this abusive man do now?"
Then, the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half.
Ah! That was too much! She was much too angry now!
In a huff, she took her book, her things and stormed to the boarding place.
When she sat down in her seat, inside the plane, she looked into her purse to take her eyeglasses, and to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched, unopened!
She felt so ashamed!! She realized that she was wrong....
She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse.
The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter... while she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him. And now ther was no chance to explain herself...nor to apologize."
There are four things that you cannot recover:
The stone.... after the throw!
The word....after it is said!
The occasion... after the loss!
The time...after it is gone!
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 02:16 PM
Patient Comments
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
(Not just good, but hilarious!)
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of them all....
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ My mother, who was a hoot, called her doctor "The Rear Adminal." :)
Posted by Omie at 12:50 PM
April 23, 2007
Driftwood Horses
These ladies build horses out of scrap driftwood they find.....
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 06:08 PM
April 21, 2007
Hercules
Just had to share this. Check the picture!
Hercules: The World's Biggest Dog Ever According to Guinness World Records. Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of Worlds Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff and who has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.
With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard 200 lbs. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal food and he just "grew"... and grew. and grew. and grew.
Kell is a slightly smaller, but the World's Heaviest Dog. Hercules' sheer volume may have won him the Largest Dog world record, but the Heaviest Dog title still rests with Kell who weighed in at 286 pounds in August of 1999. This English Mastiff, however, only has a 32-inch neck - far less than Hercules' 38-incher. Think about that for a second though - 32 inches is a standard waist size for a man!
Proud owner Tom Scott said Kell is two years old and is expected to continue to grow for the next two years. Kell needs to be fed 100 lbs. of beef every week, and drinks gallons of goats' milk to stay healthy.
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 07:12 PM
April 18, 2007
Crackpots
An elderly woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."
The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"
"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."
"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 04:48 PM
April 17, 2007
Monastery Life
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R ! We missed the R! WE MISSED THE "R"!
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
"The word was...
CELEBRATE!!!"
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 02:58 PM
April 16, 2007
Why People Come into Your Life
PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON
I am posting this to see how many actually read this blog. Any response will be interesting. Pay attention to what you read and the people in your life. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason. Here goes:
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant .
Thank God for the folks who are a part of my life, whether they were a reason, a season or a lifetime.
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 09:45 PM
April 15, 2007
Tipping
Should I ever visit New York, Chicago or San Francisco.... now I'll know. Good information.
Hotel Tipping
Not every hotel you are going to stay in will have a bellman and concierge. Heck, some just have Frank, who makes $4.25/hour, asleep behind the desk. In this case, you needn't worry, tipping is probably not expected; but if you're staying in a place slightly more upscale, tipping is both customary and appreciated.
Because tipping is a way of rewarding good service, there is no way to say what is appropriate across the board. Tip at your own discretion, and only if you feel it is warranted. Here are some general guidelines to follow.
Valet: $1 - $2 (more in bad weather)
Shuttle Driver: $2
Doorman: $1 - $2 (for hailing a cab)
Bellman: $1 - $2 (when bags are brought up and down from your room)
Concierge: $2 - $20 (depending on the level of attention)
Room Service: 18% of the bill or at least $2 (not required if gratuity is included)
Housekeeping: $1 - $5 per night (the messier you are, the higher the tip)
Coatcheck: $1 - $2
Lesson one: Don't forget the chambermaid. "Some of these ladies have so much pride in what they do," says Michael Tuesca, concierge at The Ritz-Carlton, South Beach, in Miami (See: "South Beach Style"). "I've seen housekeepers return $10,000 Rolex watches covered in diamonds. They work for their money. They clean 12 rooms a day. And you never even see them, but you come back to a clean hotel room with music playing."
Tuesca advises leaving a few dollars per night, depending on the size of the room and how much work is involved in cleaning it. Leave the tip daily; housekeepers may change from one day to the next. And hand it over in person, if possible--it means more.
Lesson Two: For the ubiquitous hotel doormen, a good rule is $1 to $2 per favor, whether that's a flagged cab or a quick city orientation.
"You're a public servant, especially with directions," says Josh Sobul, who spent 18 years as a doorman at two of Chicago's biggest hotels and is now the doorman supervisor at The St. Regis, Aspen, a top resort in Colorado (see: "Peak Experience"). "The hardest thing is keeping traffic flowing. Checking people in at the same time--it keeps you moving. I was happy if I got $2 per cab."
Lesson Three: Reward perfect dinner recommendation from the concierge, or last-minute tickets to the hottest show in town. When thanking a butler or hotel concierge, your options are to tip after each service provided, between $5 and $10 each time
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<3 GrandMom Love ~
Posted by Omie at 07:18 PM
April 14, 2007
Tax Truth
At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his a**
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin ,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.
Put these words
upon his tomb,
" Taxes drove me to my doom..."
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
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Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell "politicians!"
And I still have to "press 1" for English.
Have a HAPPY APRIL 17th! :)
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to friend, Carole
Posted by Omie at 01:15 PM
Walking on Water
Do you really know your theology?
The 3rd man in history to walk on water:
The 1st one was Christ...
The 2nd one was Peter (the apostle)...
Then there was this guy, Jose………
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 01:02 PM
April 12, 2007
Easter in Baghdad
I know I have the best parish in the world. Yes, it is rather different than most but it is wonderful. The journey to church is different than any other vicar experiences. I leave my trailer with my body armour and armoured helmet on. My body guards surround me as I get into the armoured vehicle. We drive through the International Zone, through many army check points, and finally into the ordinary streets. Half a mile away is the church. We arrive in 5 minutes; the Church of St George's is surrounded by razor wire and bomb barricades.
The Special Forces know that I am arriving and have surrounded the Church and cut off the road. My security team searches the church and the churchyard and ensures with our church guards that there are no unknown people in the building. They give me the all-clear and at last I can go into my church of St. George's Baghdad. Many people have called it the most dangerous parish in the world; I prefer to leave that title to some church in British suburbia. For today is Easter and when I cry out in Arabic 'Alleluia Al Masiah Kahm' (Alleluia Christ is risen) the people will reply 'Kahma Beltakid Alleluia' (He is risen indeed Alleluia), and they will mean it.
A few months ago I was waiting for the helicopter in the International Zone to take me to the other side of Baghdad. I realized that it was almost exactly twenty years ago that I was asked what I wanted to do in 20 years time. I said I wanted to be a vicar in London. Today I find myself in the midst of a war zone and for some reason I love it. I miss my wife and two young boys in Hampshire. I loved my days as a vicar in London and as a Canon at Coventry Cathedral and it was whilst there that I started coming to Iraq 9 years ago.
Our congregation is all Iraqi though not Anglican. There have been Christians in Iraq from almost the beginning of the faith. At first a really miserable evangelist turned up by submarine transportation, called Jonah. He preached a short sermon, they all repented, and he really complained to God and said he wanted to die. A few hundred years later another miserable man turned up, this time it was doubting Thomas on his way to India. He asked them if they knew their Messiah had come and they said no. He told them about Jesus, they believed in him and to this day their greatest saints are Jonah and Thomas and many of the Christians still come from Nineveh.
Our congregation is very large with over 1300 members; fortunately they do not all turn up at every service otherwise we would not fit them all in. After the war in 2003 we had about 10 people. Since then we have grown every week. Many of our members are Chaldeans, Syrian sent Orthodox and Assyrian Christians. They came to our church because travel was difficult and no other church was near them. Coming to church is dangerous; some have even been killed on their way. Christians, like all others in Iraq, are constantly under attack but they do not give up their faith; it is the thing that gives hope in the present chaos. The persecution of Christians is sadly increasing continually; they are all under mounting attack.
As the congregation arrives I greet them all with three kisses and if I leave one person out I am told in no uncertain terms. Then the children come in from their classes to see me. There are well over a hundred each week. They all expect a hug and a kiss as well. They then start the worship; they sing and sing and sing. An hour passes and we can commence the main service. Today the only Church of England thing about the gathering will be the hundreds of chocolate creme eggs that I have brought with me from England.
Here in Iraq everything may be awful. I look around the congregation and see that many of the women are wearing black-- their husbands have been killed, many since last year, and I know for them Easter is very real. We sing the song "Because He lives we can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone because I know He holds the future and life is worth living just because He lives." For us here in Baghdad, Easter is not just a festival that means turning up to church, it is the very heart of hope and light in darkness.
Here our church is an Anglican Church, but it is not plagued by the worries and problems of many churches. The issue of sexuality has never even been mentioned. Here the only worry is will there be food on the table tonight, will my loved ones survive the day and will my children return and not be kidnapped. What happens each day here cannot really be mentioned, it is far too awful. I regularly tell people that I have spent much of my past decade in war zones; what you see on TV is usually worse than the reality but here in Baghdad it is the other way round. In reality Baghdad is a 100 times worse than anything you ever see on TV. Just as the reality of the tragedy of this place is worse than you see, so is the reality of Easter far greater here than you can ever imagine. Here Easter is more than real, it is part of daily life for the Christians of this land and Easter is such a time of celebration.
When we say in our liturgy that Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again, we mean it. We know that Christ is alive and real and it is this we celebrate on this day. Our worship will be exceptional not just today but everyday. As we think of what our Lord has suffered there is a real understanding of the nature of the cross; for our people here suffering is real. It is the reality of daily life. The other day I asked my people who of them had a loved one killed or injured in the past two years. They all responded positively. For them death is in the midst of life, therefore resurrection is their only hope. For them the fact that on this day they celebrate Christ rising from the dead means they are certain that this is what will happen to their loved ones and themselves.
So the worship continues, there is such joy amongst these people that not just on Easter but every resurrection day they can celebrate Christ rising from the dead. There is joy and even laughter in the midst of this suffering. Sometimes you realise that if you don't laugh you will just cry, and there are many tears as well. The other week we had our service in one of the Government offices. Ali turned up and wanted to know why I had not told him all the children were coming. Now Ali is a leader in one of the major terrorist groups. I quickly thought to myself 'I don't usually tell the terrorists where our children are going to be.' He told me that he wanted to give them all presents. He left the room and returned a few minutes later, this time with piles of children's Bibles. A few hours later (services are long) I looked at the Bibles only to discover that they were the precise ones that had been stolen on their way into Iraq recently.
I mention this because for the children this was part of their Easter story. One little girl told me the Bible had come to them because Jesus is alive. Because he was alive he would ensure that whatever was meant for them would be given to them. Even if by a terrorist it was an act of God. For us in Baghdad today God is alive and real.
I see the same belief in the reality of a living God amongst my other congregation at the US Embassy. Here most of the congregation is military; beside them on the floor is their body armour and guns. For them too the truth remains that 'Because He lives they can face tomorrow.' They too have had their loved ones and colleagues killed and injured, they too hold to the hope of resurrection. For many, today is a time for Easter Egg hunts, fluffy bunnies and too much food; but for us, today is a day of hope and transformation as we proclaim here in Baghdad that "Alleluia, Christ is risen, He is risen indeed! Alleluia."
The Rev'd Canon Andrew White
Anglican Priest in Iraq
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Thanks to friend, Gladys, for forwarding me this email.
Posted by Omie at 12:24 PM
April 10, 2007
Painted Floor
Imagine you are at a party on the tenth floor....*
*You've been drinking......* *(not that you would...)*
*And then you have to visit the bathroom... *
*You open the door.... **
Now, REMEMBER,* *THE FLOOR IS JUST* A PAINTED FLOOR!**
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 11:29 AM
April 09, 2007
Why Are Things the Way They Are?
During my junior year in high school, Mr. Reynolds, my English teacher, handed each student a list of thoughts or statements written by other students then gave us a creative writing assignment based on one of those thoughts. At 17, I was beginning to wonder about many things, so I chose the statement, "I wonder why things are the way they are?" That night, I wrote down in the form of a story all the questions that puzzled me about life. I realized that many of them were hard to answer, and perhaps others couldn't be answered at all. When I turned in my paper, I was afraid that I might fail the assignment because I had not answered the question, "I wonder why things are the way they are?" I had no answers. I had only written questions. The next day Mr. Reynolds called me to the front of the class and asked me to read my story for the other students. He handed me my paper and sat down in the back of the room. The class became quiet as I began to read my story:
Mommie, Daddy........Why?
Mommie, why are the roses red?
Mommie, why is the grass green and the sky blue?
Why does a spider have a web and not a house?
Daddy, why can't I play in your toolbox?
Teacher,why do I have to read?
Mother, why can't I wear lipstick to the dance?
Daddy, why can't I stay out until 12:00? The other kids can.
Daddy, why don't the boys like me?
Why do I have to be so skinny?
Why do I have braces and wear glasses?
Why do I have to be 16?
Mom, why do I have to graduate?
Dad, why do I have to grow up?
Mom, Dad, why do I have to leave?
Mom, why don't you write more often?
Dad, why do I miss my old friends?
Dad, why do you love me so much?
Dad, why do you spoil me? Your little girl is growing up.
Mom, why don't you visit?
Mom, why is it hard to make new friends?
Dad, why do I miss being at home?
Dad, why does my heart skip a beat when he looks in my eyes?
Mom, why do my legs tremble when I hear his voice?
Mother, why is being "in love" the greatest feeling in the world?
Daddy, why don't you like to be called "Gramps"?
Mother, why do my baby's tiny fingers cling so tightly to mine?
Mother, why do they have to grow up?
Daddy, why do they have to leave?
Why do I have to be called "Grannie"?
Mommie, Daddy, why did you have to leave me? I need you.
Why did my youth slip past me?
Why does my face show every smile that I have ever given to a friend or a
stranger?
Why does my hair glisten a shiny silver?
Why do my hands quiver when I bend to pick a flower?
Why, God, are the roses red?
At the conclusion of my story, my eyes locked with Mr. Reynold's eyes, and I saw a tear slowly sliding down his cheek. It was then that I realized that life is not always based on the answers we receive, but also on the questions that we ask.
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<3 GrandMom Love ~- from the files of Omie - Author Unknown
Posted by Omie at 04:22 PM
April 07, 2007
Hot Cross Buns
Folks, I have a friend who faithfully bakes Hot Cross Buns every Easter season. She has gifted me with her treats plus her recipe, however, I would have to do a major cleaning project to find that recipe in the etherals of my cook book cabinet, so I have come up with this one via the internet. It just might be as good as mine. :)
Enjoy a new family tradition.
History of the Hot Cross Bun:
Hot cross buns are typically eaten on Good Friday and during Lent
Stories abound about the origins of the Hot Cross Bun. Yet, the common thread throughout is the symbolism of the "cross" of icing which adorns the bun itself.
Some say that the origin of Hot Cross Buns dates back to the 12th century, when an Angelican monk was said to have placed the sign of the cross on the buns, to honor Good Friday, a Christian holiday also known as the Day of the Cross. Supposedly, this pastry was the only thing permitted to enter the mouths of the faithful on this holy day.
Other accounts talk of an English widow, who's son went off to sea. She vowed to bake him a bun every Good Friday. When he didn't return she continued to bake a hot cross bun for him each year and hung it in the bakery window in good faith that he would some day return to her. The English people kept the tradition even after she passed away.
INGREDIENTS
3/4 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon instant powdered milk
1/4 cup white sugar
3/8 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 egg white
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon active dry yeast
3/4 cup dried currants
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons water
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons milk
DIRECTIONS
Put warm water, butter, skim milk powder, 1/4 cup sugar, salt, egg, egg white, flour, and yeast in bread maker and start on dough program.
When 5 minutes of kneading are left, add currants and cinnamon. Leave in machine till double.
Punch down on floured surface, cover, and let rest 10 minutes.
Shape into 12 balls and place in a greased 9 x 12 inch pan. Cover and let rise in a warm place till double, about 35-40 minutes.
Mix egg yolk and 2 tablespoons water. Brush on balls.
Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 20 minutes. Remove from pan immediately and cool on wire rack.
To make crosses: mix together confectioners' sugar, vanilla, and milk. Brush an X on each cooled bun.
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 05:48 PM
April 06, 2007
Three Trees
There were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Some day I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."
Then the second tree said, "Some day I will be a mighty ship. I will take Kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."
Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."
After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter," and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.
At the second tree the woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree. I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.
When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree, I'll take this one," and he cut it down.
When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for.
The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.
The third tree was cut into large pieces, and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams. Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.
Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.
Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.
The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, God will give you great gifts.
Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined.
We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.
<3 JESUS LOVES EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a hope and a future."
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<3 GrandMom Love ~ Shabbot Shalom
Posted by Omie at 11:57 AM
April 05, 2007
Redneck Book of Manners
Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U- Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining In Your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger- foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM ; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Two Reasons Why it is Hard to Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 11:47 AM
April 04, 2007
Young Love
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"
"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."
"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.
"We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 08:01 PM
April 02, 2007
Your Bank Account
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."
"That doesn' t have anything to do with it," he replied.
"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! I am still depositing."
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 11:22 AM
Don't Trust Little Old Ladies
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, " Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Don't trust little old ladies!!!
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 11:12 AM
April 01, 2007
John 3:16
A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner, the people were in and out of the cold. The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell many papers.
He walked up to a policeman and said, "Mister, you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could find a warm place to sleep tonight would you? You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight. Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay."
The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "You go down the street to that big white house and you knock on the door. When they come out the door you just say John 3:16, and they will let you in."
So he did. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door, and a lady answered. He looked up and said, "John 3:16 "
The lady said, "Come on in, Son."
She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom rocker in front of a great big old fireplace, and she went off. The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself:
John 3:16 ...I don't understand it, but it sure makes a cold boy warm.
Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry ?"
He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of days, and I guess I could stand a little bit of food,"
The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table full of wonderful food. He ate and ate until he couldn't eat any more. Then he thought to himself:
John 3:16 ...Boy, I sure don't understand it but it sure makes a hungry boy full.
She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a while. As he soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16...
I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy clean. You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out.
The lady came in and got him. She took him to a room, tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers up around his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out the lights. As he lay in the darkness and looked out the window at the snow coming down on that cold night, he thought to himself: John 3:16 ...I don't understand it but it sure makes a tired boy rested.
The next morning the lady came back up and took him down again to that same big table full of food. After he ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom rocker in front of the fireplace and picked up a big old Bible.
She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face.
"Do you understand John 3:16? " she asked gently. He replied, "No, Ma'am, I don't. The first time I ever heard it was last night when the policeman told me to use it,"
She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain to him about Jesus. Right there, in front of that big old fireplace, he gave his heart and life to Jesus. He sat there and thought: John 3:16 -- don't understand it, but it sure makes a lost boy feel safe.
You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do such a thing. I don't understand the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus suffer and die. I don't understand the intense love for ME that kept Jesus on the cross till the end.
I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
I do Love God. He is my source of existence.. He keeps me functioning each and every day.
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 02:02 PM
Why Men Aren't Secretaries
Husband's note on refrigerator for wife:
Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn't know you liked beer ...
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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
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<3 GrandMom Love
Posted by Omie at 01:52 PM